On audiences...
...and cats.
Ok... I haven't been posting lately because I realized most people don't appreciate the beauty of this blog. Then, it occured to me that I'd lost my way. This blog isn't about you or them.. it's about ME! It's just a stress-relieving creative outlet that satisfy my occasional urge to write, and my not-so-occasional urge to be sarcastic and lame. I don't know about you but I for one will definitely* follow my own blog if I weren't me.
Regardless, I still want more readers. I've given up on human audiences, so I've decided to make the blog more accessible to cats. Yes, cats. Neko. Don't ask me why cats. There are reasons. No I won't explain. Yes, you've been put lower than cats on my priority list. In other words.. you've been *quote* PWNED *unquote* by cats. Therefore, I shall write the entire next part of the chapter in Cat.
[This part will be in the Western Cat Tongue.]
Meow, meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow. Meow. Meow meow. Meow meow meow meow MEOW. Meow meow moew meow, meow** meow meow. Meow meow meow meow meow, puuuuuuuuuurr. Meow meow meow meow meow.
[Translation of above in Japanese Cat Tongue.]
Nyaa, nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa. Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa, nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa. Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa. Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa. Nyaa nyaa nyaa. Nyaa. Nyaa nyaa. Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa NYAA. Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa, nyaa*** nyaa nyaa. Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa, puuuuuuuuuurr. Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa.
Well, I hope everyone enjoyed reading this, especially my dear feline friends. Many thanks to Benny the Bengal Tiger for helping me with the translations. You may be tiny for a big-cat, but you speak wonderfully fluent Cat.
Taisho!!
*Notice the spelling. There are waaaaaay too many people on the web spelling it definately.
**Meow meow meow meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow.
***Nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa, nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa nyaa.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
::Chapter 4~
[Your advertisement...
...could be HERE!]
Hello! Welcome to Absolute Blather, the blog where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the points in Whose Line?
Recently, I've been getting the feeling that this blog is getting rather grim. Pessimism ooooze out of every post. Which is why I'm lightening things up a bit.
Ok, now for the serious stuff. Since my compulsory national service ended, I've lost the allowance of S$500 every month. Therefore, I've been short of cash lately, which is why I've decided to start advertising on this blog.
Advertising is very common on the web. In fact, it's Everywhere. So it's not weird for me to include it here. But before you start criticizing me for this course of action, I assure you that there will be absolutely zero banners and click-ads here. All adverts will be personally screened by yours truly, and incorporated into the text. You won't even notice it's there. Here's one for example:
Have you ever been out, and needed to use some money only to find that you are short of just one dollar? The nearest ATM is outside, up an escalator, a right turn, straight, a left turn, down an escalator, straight till you reach the fork, take either the right or the left path coz they merge anyway, then look for the extremely long queue*. Well, fret not, coz I've just got the solution for you! It's called The Extra Dollar. Save yourself troublesome trips to the ATM, and
SMS [DOLLAR] to +65 97385964
and you will get the convenient Extra Dollar for just 2 easy payments of $0.99**. That's right! You'll never need to worry about being short of a stupid dollar in your purchases again!
*That's the actual description of the route from the Bugis arcade to the nearest ATM just above Bugis MRT station.
**All currency is in Singapore Dollars.
See, you didn't even notice it.
Actually... I don't really have anything more to say. So, I will end this session with yet another discreet advertisement:
Help a victim of the rising cost of living by donating a small token of your generosity to the Absolute Blather Charity (ABC) Fund. All 100% of your donations will be directed toward efforts to maintain Absolute Blather functioning. Because this charity is operating on a very small scale, only cash is accepted. Contact Mr. Lim for more information.
And seriously, nobody is paying me to put these adverts up.
...could be HERE!]
Hello! Welcome to Absolute Blather, the blog where everything is made up and the points don't matter. That's right, the points are just like the points in Whose Line?
Recently, I've been getting the feeling that this blog is getting rather grim. Pessimism ooooze out of every post. Which is why I'm lightening things up a bit.
Ok, now for the serious stuff. Since my compulsory national service ended, I've lost the allowance of S$500 every month. Therefore, I've been short of cash lately, which is why I've decided to start advertising on this blog.
Advertising is very common on the web. In fact, it's Everywhere. So it's not weird for me to include it here. But before you start criticizing me for this course of action, I assure you that there will be absolutely zero banners and click-ads here. All adverts will be personally screened by yours truly, and incorporated into the text. You won't even notice it's there. Here's one for example:
Have you ever been out, and needed to use some money only to find that you are short of just one dollar? The nearest ATM is outside, up an escalator, a right turn, straight, a left turn, down an escalator, straight till you reach the fork, take either the right or the left path coz they merge anyway, then look for the extremely long queue*. Well, fret not, coz I've just got the solution for you! It's called The Extra Dollar. Save yourself troublesome trips to the ATM, and
SMS [DOLLAR] to +65 97385964
and you will get the convenient Extra Dollar for just 2 easy payments of $0.99**. That's right! You'll never need to worry about being short of a stupid dollar in your purchases again!
*That's the actual description of the route from the Bugis arcade to the nearest ATM just above Bugis MRT station.
**All currency is in Singapore Dollars.
See, you didn't even notice it.
Actually... I don't really have anything more to say. So, I will end this session with yet another discreet advertisement:
Help a victim of the rising cost of living by donating a small token of your generosity to the Absolute Blather Charity (ABC) Fund. All 100% of your donations will be directed toward efforts to maintain Absolute Blather functioning. Because this charity is operating on a very small scale, only cash is accepted. Contact Mr. Lim for more information.
And seriously, nobody is paying me to put these adverts up.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
::Chapter 3~
Of food crumbs in keyboards, fodder,
fail-safes and little bits.
Hi, again. You must be really free huh? Some of you might have arrived at this third chapter from the first in a single sitting, which is an impressive feat no matter how you look at it. It must have been mentally taxing (unless I have not been doing my job). If it is, good for you! You are training your mind. What does not kill you makes you stronger.
Now, some of you must be thinking: stop all this self-deprecating nonsense! This thought might have presented itself because you actually like this stuff (roll eyes..) or, much more likely, you are bored of reading the same thing over and over. Well, too bad. Since I do not have anything more important to write about, this "self-deprecating nonsense" theme will stay as irritatingly as food crumbs in your keyboard do.
I have recently been asked whether I write this because I am too free. My answer was rather sarcastic (surprise!). I replied that by writing this, I derive some sort of sadistic pleasure from knowing that people actually read through this stuff. This may not be true. For all I know, I may be the only one who knows what is in these pages. But it does not matter because it will, at the very very least, be true for YOU who are reading this right now. Those who do not read as far as here, will not refute what they did not read. It even has its own fail-safe mechanism!
Occasionally, I feel the urge to write interesting things that I have seen. Things I know will entertain. I call these things 'blog-fodder'. Browse through any normal blog and you will easily find specimens of blog-fodder. While these things fuel some blogs, I feel that blog-fodder do not belong here. I must stay true to the experiment. I cannot and will not write things that will make this blog/book be about SOMETHING.
Even with this limitation, I still try to insert little bits of my experiences into the text. You will not see more than vague references or passing remarks, but these little bits are sprinkled around. They represent my interests, annoyances, and all the other things that make my life my life. Keep an eye out if you care to do so.
Finally, please do inform me if you actually read this. Feed my addiction.
Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
fail-safes and little bits.
Hi, again. You must be really free huh? Some of you might have arrived at this third chapter from the first in a single sitting, which is an impressive feat no matter how you look at it. It must have been mentally taxing (unless I have not been doing my job). If it is, good for you! You are training your mind. What does not kill you makes you stronger.
Now, some of you must be thinking: stop all this self-deprecating nonsense! This thought might have presented itself because you actually like this stuff (roll eyes..) or, much more likely, you are bored of reading the same thing over and over. Well, too bad. Since I do not have anything more important to write about, this "self-deprecating nonsense" theme will stay as irritatingly as food crumbs in your keyboard do.
I have recently been asked whether I write this because I am too free. My answer was rather sarcastic (surprise!). I replied that by writing this, I derive some sort of sadistic pleasure from knowing that people actually read through this stuff. This may not be true. For all I know, I may be the only one who knows what is in these pages. But it does not matter because it will, at the very very least, be true for YOU who are reading this right now. Those who do not read as far as here, will not refute what they did not read. It even has its own fail-safe mechanism!
Occasionally, I feel the urge to write interesting things that I have seen. Things I know will entertain. I call these things 'blog-fodder'. Browse through any normal blog and you will easily find specimens of blog-fodder. While these things fuel some blogs, I feel that blog-fodder do not belong here. I must stay true to the experiment. I cannot and will not write things that will make this blog/book be about SOMETHING.
Even with this limitation, I still try to insert little bits of my experiences into the text. You will not see more than vague references or passing remarks, but these little bits are sprinkled around. They represent my interests, annoyances, and all the other things that make my life my life. Keep an eye out if you care to do so.
Finally, please do inform me if you actually read this. Feed my addiction.
Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
Friday, February 6, 2009
::Chapter 2~
In which I protect myself...
...by labeling rubbish.
Before I start on anything else, let me first congratulate you.
Congratulations!
The fact that you are reading this can only mean that you are bored. Or you do not have the ability to prioritize your activities. Whichever insults you more. The former suggests that you are not obsessed with the rat race that is your life, and the latter is (hopefully) the result of a life without the need for prioritization. Either way, you are better off than most of us, hence the congratulations.
With that out of the way, we can move on to more meaningful issues. Oh, wait. There are no “more meaningful issues”. Please bear with the meaninglessness of it all.
Because of the obvious lack of a subject, I will now talk about the title of this book/blog/nothing-thingy. Absolute Blather. It is a simple title. An adjective followed by a noun. The title serves its purpose well, that is to warn potential readers of the contents that are to follow. It also serves to protect me. You see, I am in no way a good writer. What you see on the page is random, and mainly consists of anything that comes to mind first. I may pause to think about how to phrase a particular thought or idea, but that thought or idea is rarely part of a structured... structure (sorry for my lack of a decent vocabulary). By titling my work (work?) as such, the content, however random and structureless, is justified. It is the same logic as how people excuse the smell of rubbish in a labeled dumpster. You do not like it but, hey, it is in its proper place.
In a way, that last paragraph has the same purpose as the title. In writing of a different nature, the author do not have to justify why he writes what he does. That is because most people write for others. I, selfishly, am writing this for myself. I need a place in which I can throw all the stupid lame thoughts I am not allowed to have. A place where I can freely express my sarcasm whenever I feel the sadistic urge to. The best part about all this is that I do not need to have ANY topic. I am not bound like some people, who only blog when something interesting happens. Nor do I have to do any preparation like those people who want to write a proper essay or book. The best part of this is the absolute FREEDOM.
Alright, that's enough for now. Before I go, let me leave you with a thought-provoking question:
Why the hell are you still reading this crap?
...by labeling rubbish.
Before I start on anything else, let me first congratulate you.
Congratulations!
The fact that you are reading this can only mean that you are bored. Or you do not have the ability to prioritize your activities. Whichever insults you more. The former suggests that you are not obsessed with the rat race that is your life, and the latter is (hopefully) the result of a life without the need for prioritization. Either way, you are better off than most of us, hence the congratulations.
With that out of the way, we can move on to more meaningful issues. Oh, wait. There are no “more meaningful issues”. Please bear with the meaninglessness of it all.
Because of the obvious lack of a subject, I will now talk about the title of this book/blog/nothing-thingy. Absolute Blather. It is a simple title. An adjective followed by a noun. The title serves its purpose well, that is to warn potential readers of the contents that are to follow. It also serves to protect me. You see, I am in no way a good writer. What you see on the page is random, and mainly consists of anything that comes to mind first. I may pause to think about how to phrase a particular thought or idea, but that thought or idea is rarely part of a structured... structure (sorry for my lack of a decent vocabulary). By titling my work (work?) as such, the content, however random and structureless, is justified. It is the same logic as how people excuse the smell of rubbish in a labeled dumpster. You do not like it but, hey, it is in its proper place.
In a way, that last paragraph has the same purpose as the title. In writing of a different nature, the author do not have to justify why he writes what he does. That is because most people write for others. I, selfishly, am writing this for myself. I need a place in which I can throw all the stupid lame thoughts I am not allowed to have. A place where I can freely express my sarcasm whenever I feel the sadistic urge to. The best part about all this is that I do not need to have ANY topic. I am not bound like some people, who only blog when something interesting happens. Nor do I have to do any preparation like those people who want to write a proper essay or book. The best part of this is the absolute FREEDOM.
Alright, that's enough for now. Before I go, let me leave you with a thought-provoking question:
Why the hell are you still reading this crap?
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
::Chapter 1~
Which also serves as the foreword...
...I did not want to write.
Welcome to Absolute Blather. First off, this composition is in need of an introduction. This is, as the title suggests, complete blather. It is also, contrary to the layout you see before you, not a book. It is written like a book (with chapters and everything) because I hope it will be published. Any reason why anyone would ever publish this is beyond my imagination to invent, but I am allowed to hope, right?
As I am sure you have noticed, this book (for the off chance that it does get published) does not have a foreword. It is not the result of careless printing because this is in fact, The Foreword. Now, some of you may wonder, why doesn't he title the foreword Foreword? Well, since some people do not read forewords, and I do want people to read this, I decided to start with Chapter 1. This will increase the chance that people will read this by what I imagine to be a significant bit.
Now, on to further... stuff (for the lack of a better all-purpose word). If you are hoping that there is something in here worth reading, and not just narcissistic author self-justification, then you should stop reading right HERE.
Okay, you did not stop reading. Can I safely ass u me that you do not mind reading nothing? Alright, it is not nothing, per se. It is a written composition which is about itself and nothing else, which is something that amounts to nothing. Like those annoyingly pointless anime fillers in those annoyingly lengthy anime which have recently resorted to annoyingly slow-paced episodes to avoid having to bring back the last-mentioned annoyingly pointless fillers.
Anyway, this 'chapter' will inevitably be short. One reason is that this will be put up in a blog. No one reads blog posts as long as a book chapter (unless said person possesses no life). The other reason is sufficiently touched on in the last paragraph. Despite all that, I will take pains to make this as long as possible. Make no mistake, it is no easy task, with this being about nothing and all.
At this point, I want to reiterate: if you do not like to read something that amounts to basically nothing, go back to that bold -and- CAPITALISED 'here' back there. Which is kind of pointless since this is the end of the chapter anyway.
...I did not want to write.
Welcome to Absolute Blather. First off, this composition is in need of an introduction. This is, as the title suggests, complete blather. It is also, contrary to the layout you see before you, not a book. It is written like a book (with chapters and everything) because I hope it will be published. Any reason why anyone would ever publish this is beyond my imagination to invent, but I am allowed to hope, right?
As I am sure you have noticed, this book (for the off chance that it does get published) does not have a foreword. It is not the result of careless printing because this is in fact, The Foreword. Now, some of you may wonder, why doesn't he title the foreword Foreword? Well, since some people do not read forewords, and I do want people to read this, I decided to start with Chapter 1. This will increase the chance that people will read this by what I imagine to be a significant bit.
Now, on to further... stuff (for the lack of a better all-purpose word). If you are hoping that there is something in here worth reading, and not just narcissistic author self-justification, then you should stop reading right HERE.
Okay, you did not stop reading. Can I safely ass u me that you do not mind reading nothing? Alright, it is not nothing, per se. It is a written composition which is about itself and nothing else, which is something that amounts to nothing. Like those annoyingly pointless anime fillers in those annoyingly lengthy anime which have recently resorted to annoyingly slow-paced episodes to avoid having to bring back the last-mentioned annoyingly pointless fillers.
Anyway, this 'chapter' will inevitably be short. One reason is that this will be put up in a blog. No one reads blog posts as long as a book chapter (unless said person possesses no life). The other reason is sufficiently touched on in the last paragraph. Despite all that, I will take pains to make this as long as possible. Make no mistake, it is no easy task, with this being about nothing and all.
At this point, I want to reiterate: if you do not like to read something that amounts to basically nothing, go back to that bold -and- CAPITALISED 'here' back there. Which is kind of pointless since this is the end of the chapter anyway.
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